I am, by nature, a listener, a watcher, an analyst. I try to pick up as much as I can in conversations, in reading, and by studying relationships and circumstances. I absorb these moments, roll them around my mind for a bit, theorize, test. Unfortunately, I feel like the past several years I have been a silent story-teller with many realizations now long forgotten. Sadly, I'm forced to admit that due to insecurities (and possibly internal contradictions), I seldom "let people in." To me, there's so many wonderful things I'd love to share--personal experiences, stories that I've heard, thoughts, understandings, those questions that I just can't seem to find answers to--and yet some reason I feel hindered in conversation with the vast majority of people I come in contact with. I can't really explain how this takes place, but there are few people who really manage to break through my protective wall. This is one of my greatest personal frustrations.
I don't know if I'm breaking down walls quite yet, but I'm ready to open a window. For me, writing is the beginning. I need a fresh perspective on what it means to openly and honestly relate to people. In study, I'm currently reading The Art of Friendship, The Art of Conversation, and Bird by Bird. I feel challanged, hopeful, and relieved. My greatest challenges are the fear that my thoughts actually exist in print and the committment to be consistent and dedicated to evolving literarily and socially. In the introduction of Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott writes that her father (a writer) instructed her to write as if she were practicing the piano (daily) and added, "...make a committment to finishing things." That said, I'm also hopeful because I really enjoy making connections. And I'm relieved because I truly do feel compelled to write and share.
This is where I begin my journey.