my enneagram

I've had a difficult time this week brainstorming what to write about next following that last post. This could very well be an instance where I'm overthinking something very simple, but I've been trying to figure out that fine line between servanthood to others and bettering one's self. I'd like to be more involved with helping other people. I wish I had more money to give, more time to donate, and more of a voice for the voiceless. Yes, I've taken the occassional dog-sitting, pet-sitting, house-sitting, house-cleaning gig, but I mean something a little more intense that requires more effort on my part. It's been since last year's Nashville flood and the following flood relief efforts that I really felt like I could make use of my time to help other people in need (this, in large part, because of the generosity from work to let us help others during work hours). During that process, I felt like I was living a good example of what we should be doing day to day. Shifting towards the opposite end of the spectrum, I also feel it's important to strive for personal growth as well. Are the two really opposite ends or do I just struggle with feeling that way when I think about how to become a better person? Can the two be co-productive?

This week on Shauna's blog, she wrote about the nine different Enneagrams. As I read through the categories, I discovered that I am a type four (with type five variation). This explains quite a bit about my personality and tendencies!

You can check out more detailed information on her blog link above, or by clicking on the icon below:



On the Enneagram Institute's website there are recommendations for each type that encourage personal growth. In summary, the recommendations for a four inlclude the following:

Don't rely on emotions. Hmm...dramatizations are highly possible in my world. From an unnamed source, I have been noted to have two extremes: things are either really good or really bad. I think this is mostly true, with a huge unmentioning of the inbetween (which is probably the majority of the time) that is the laid back safe zone. I could stand to remain more often in the middle-high range :) Noted!

Commit to productivity. Suddenly I'm remembering Sean's birthday artwork from two years ago that has yet to be finished and the family recipe book that took two years to complete!! This one can definitely use some work! I have a huge list of unfinished art projects to start/complete and books to read!

Elicit positive experiences. I have done this lately with food and friendships, and I'm going to keep striving for more of these.

Practice healthy self-discipline. This is especially difficult because of the motivation factor behind the productivity reccommendation above. I have high hopes for running and getting my finances in check, but there are many, many lapses!

Live life, rather than just imagining it. This is funny...and true! I have quite an imagination and can entertain myself with exaggerated humorous situations and sometimes don't notice the isolation in doing so.

I found this very enlightening!! What enneagram are you??

Ephesians 1:11 (The Message)
11-12 It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

This is true, whether we may be a one, four or nine! I can guarantee that not all twos are the same. We are each created differently with a unique purpose. I feel challenged to use who I am, what I know, and work on those things (mentioned above) that may need a bit of tweaking in order to fulfill my potential.

star quality

This week in Phillipians, we discussed the importance of eliminating complaining. As a more Christlike alternative, we should instead choose to trust Him in the face of disappointment. Not to mention, disappointment usually comes from our own self-sought expectations.

Phillipians 2:12-18 (NIV)
Shining as Stars
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
14 Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe 16 as you hold out[a] the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. 17 But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you. 18 So you too should be glad and rejoice with me.

If we attempt to become blameless and pure children of God, we'll "shine like the stars in the universe", offering a reflective life of who Christ was and is. This, in turn, will bring hope to the despair.

It's funny how many times in conversation I will bring up something negative. I have no idea where it comes from or why I do it. Negativity feeds on negativity. I can't imagine how much more beneficial it would be to replace every negative thought or word with something encouraging instead!

humility: strength in being Christ-minded

I'm just now getting around to writing about the discussion at church two weeks ago, but I've been absorbing some of the points and finding personal challenges I can focus on in my own life.

Philippians 2:1-11 (NIV)
Imitating Christ’s Humility
1 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

6 Who, being in very nature[a] God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!
9 Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,
10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Verse one discusses all the benefits of having unity with Christ, then transitions into the challange we should all take on:

We should consider our motives.
Romans 12:3 (NIV)
3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

We should adjust our attitude.

We need to avoid thinking about ourselves only.

He focused on humility, and defined it as freedom from having to think about oneself. I tend to get very introspective sometimes and like to think about my hopes and dreams and everything in my life. Realizing that this time could be better spent thinking about others around me, about others that God has placed in my life, really hits home. I have no need to be selfishly ambitious. I like what Pastor Rick said, "If you work only for yourself, your success dies with you, but if you work for others, the work will never be done." That reminds me of what someone once said. We are only a small part of the larger story. Our challange should be to make as much of an impact as we can.

John 12:24-25 (Message)
Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal.

We'll find fulfillment in Christ by having total abandonment of our selfish tendencies, demonstrating genuine acts of love toward one another, and really portraying a servant's heart.

financial freedom

...This is another dream of mine. For one, it's not healthy to stress over finances. More importantly, it limits what God has called us to be able to do, namely serve others, and is not how He intended us to live.

I've been working on this for several years, and each year have made a little progress. With school and car loans paid off, that leaves the other giant known as credit card debt. Who knew these would be just as hard or harder than the larger balance loans?? Still, I feel hopeful and determined that I can tackle it this year.

There are plenty of valuable articles and resources available online to help with the process. I like using mint.com for creating a monthly budget and sticking with it. Before setting a budget, I found it was helpful to take a retrospective review and comb through six months of expenditures, categorize all spending, and figure out where the money was actually going. At this time last year, I discovered that the majority was going to car repairs, vet bills, and food...not to mention the random trips to Target and Walmart that were uncategorizable (if this is such a word)! I had to better plan for those occassions so that they wouldn't end up a part of the never-shrinking credit card monster. To help with food cost, I decided to eat out less, set a monthy grocery and dining budget, utilize coupons every now and then (though I have not gone as far as studying the fine art of couponing), and online shop for pantry items. Alice.com offers free shipping on all orders, combines offers with coupon deals, and will even send reminders of when you might be low on an item.

When moving last year, I was able to sell quite a lot of unwanted furniture, electronics, and media on craigslist.org, at McKay's, and Ms. B's Used Books. This wasn't incredibly rewarding, but it meant less to move and freed up space in the new place. The downside was that I felt the need to replace, fought the urge as best I could, and did not win that battle!

Avoiding clothes and home goods shopping is doable for me. I simply don't have the space. I've had to ask myself many times, "Is this a necessity?" and more ofthen than not the answer is, "no." I struggle with my desire to want a morning latte and to eat out. Lattes are such a treat...and supposedly have less caffeine than coffee (just enough to start off my day). While I do enjoy cooking, it's hard to manage portion size and eat leftovers quickly enough. I'm still working on these last two.

Progress has been made in being able to balance my checkbook. In the past, I solely went off my online bank account and never balanced my checkbook. Then I heard someone tell me, "If you don't manage your money, your money will manage you." It has really helped to keep me in check. I tried carrying cash at one point, but that was difficult to stay organized and track where it was going.

The method for paying off credit cards has been to focus on the smallest balance first and then take that payment and add it to the next until they're all paid off. It just so happens that the smallest balance cards have the larger interest rate so it worked out better that way too. I heard initially to pay the minimum on all the other cards while focusing on the one. Recently I was told that your credit score reflects the payments you make, so if you pay anything above the minimum, it will show that you pay more than the minimum...even if it's only 5 dollars. I only have four cards with balances, and one on the verge of being paid off (Friday!) so I'm not talking 20 or anything. Still, it's a good way to make goals and feel like I'm making some progress at least. Another two will be paid off next month!

I'm excited to accomplish this goal!

in print...

I am, by nature, a listener, a watcher, an analyst. I try to pick up as much as I can in conversations, in reading, and by studying relationships and circumstances. I absorb these moments, roll them around my mind for a bit, theorize, test. Unfortunately, I feel like the past several years I have been a silent story-teller with many realizations now long forgotten. Sadly, I'm forced to admit that due to insecurities (and possibly internal contradictions), I seldom "let people in." To me, there's so many wonderful things I'd love to share--personal experiences, stories that I've heard, thoughts, understandings, those questions that I just can't seem to find answers to--and yet some reason I feel hindered in conversation with the vast majority of people I come in contact with. I can't really explain how this takes place, but there are few people who really manage to break through my protective wall. This is one of my greatest personal frustrations.

I don't know if I'm breaking down walls quite yet, but I'm ready to open a window. For me, writing is the beginning. I need a fresh perspective on what it means to openly and honestly relate to people. In study, I'm currently reading The Art of Friendship, The Art of Conversation, and Bird by Bird. I feel challanged, hopeful, and relieved. My greatest challenges are the fear that my thoughts actually exist in print and the committment to be consistent and dedicated to evolving literarily and socially. In the introduction of Bird by Bird, Anne Lamott writes that her father (a writer) instructed her to write as if she were practicing the piano (daily) and added, "...make a committment to finishing things." That said, I'm also hopeful because I really enjoy making connections. And I'm relieved because I truly do feel compelled to write and share.

This is where I begin my journey.