cancer

If I were to sum up my thoughts today in one word, it would simply be, "why?" Not that I felt like questioning God and His plans, but sometimes I wish I had more of the answers. There's a lot that I don't understand, hurts that people have to deal with, challenges and struggles, and I wish I knew why so I could better help. The way that this all came about was cyclical in a strange way.

I just received a letter from the probation officer working my theft/burglary case from August 2009. They needed information from me in order to set up the restitution as part of the probation program for the defendant. As I submitted the paperwork for processing, I myself began to process a lot.

The burglary happened on August 28, what would've been my Grandma's birthday. I was planning to meet my Grandpa for lunch and possibly go visit her gravesite if he cared to; I was planning on showing him my new place as well. When I got home early from work that day, I was so naiive. There were glass fragments scattered around my back door and the door itself was ajar, but I just thought maybe I had slammed the door shut too hard. I quickly began to straighten my place up because I wanted my Grandpa to appreciate my place and feel I was safe. Then there were the little things. The missing pillowcase. The missing jewelry box. At that point, I began to feel a little shaken. Was this really happening? The puppy was okay. Had he seen anything? Nothing looked moved in that room where his crate was. I went to the kitchen, and sure enough, the laptop on my desk was gone as well as random electronics. Everything that had been moved now had things cleverly put back in their place. I hadn't noticed! The rest of the day became more of a process: needing to report this, needing to alert the neighbors, needing to make calls, needing to pack up and stay at my parents for the night. Overall, it just seemed fitting that on what would've been another of my Grandma's birthday, they took all her jewelry. It was hard enough losing my Grandmother to cancer after only one week of knowing her body was being destroyed by this disease, but now I would have to lose her possessions too? They were suppossed to help me carry the memories I had.

The easiest part turned out to be parting with actual losses. Afterall, it was all just "stuff." Of the most valuable items, none of them were really mine. They were more representative of a person I loved. The harder part became dealing with the vulnerability. Having a guard dog helped, and more than that, the support of family and friends got me through. I can't tell you how many nights in that house that I would constantly repeat, "God has not given a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind."

Now, a year and a half later, it seems justice is served. Someone did something wrong and is now taking responsibility for it.

Strangely enough, where my thoughts have led me is to question all the situations in life where justice isn't served. Where there seems to be no justice at all. Where things just happen to good, undeserving people. I cannot imagine what it feels like to hear the doctor say that there are cancerous cells within the body - attacking, killing, and mutating healthy cells. I would imagine that feelings of vulnerability would be so overwhelming and that much of the doctors words would become silent.














I work in the healthcare industry, with specific emphasis on cancer care, so I am not new to seeing the impact of what this disease has on individuals and families. That said, I've been overwhelmed with emotions while reading some of these stories recently. I've felt sadness, heartache, hope and joy. I don't even know all these people, but I can't help but hurt and want to hope for them. Some of these stores are about survival and others about needing to survive in a different way, without a loved one who lost their battle. Being faced with struggles, their lives have become a hopeful journey, one that only God can provide. The similiarity in their stories is also overwhelming. While their lives seem to be theirs, it's clear to me they are really God's being used in a uniquely different way. They really have such strength! How inspiring!

There are always things to be thankful for, memories to cherish, lives to celebrate. Those things are not lost. I'm amazed at how some people handle loss and hurt and how they still manage to live joyously and celebrate moments even when it's hard. I can't begin to imagine what it's like, but I can say with certainty that I want to live with that same hope every day amidst a world of darkness. I want to celebrate my God's mighty power even when things look bleak.

in the moment

Valerie Koop is an inspirational blogger and photographer whose blog "is a beautifully woven story of life….even when cancer is a part of it." Early this month her husband, the father of her two small children, passed away after a long battle with cancer. An auction benefit has been developed on her behalf, which you can check out here.

don't waste your cancer...or your life

Libby Ryder is a blogger who celebrates now being cancer free. She chronicles her journey and fully celebrates life. Her friends are rallying alongside her to raise money for her medical bills by running the Music City Hall half-marathon. You can find out information on her team and a video created by her friends here.

hope won't disappoint me

Ally West lost her battle with cancer a few weeks ago. She was diagnosed with Stage IV colorectal cancer in November 2010 at age 26. Her family and friends set up a donation for help with the medical bills since she underwent surgery and aggressive treatment with hope and faith that they would conquer the disease. Still yet, ‎"Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us." -Romans 5:5

DeYoung Family

The DeYoung Family just flew back to the States from Tanzania after they discovered their daughter Lola became ill. They have discovered that at 5 years old, she has Leukemia. They have set up a contribution for their funds at the link above, and you can see a darling picture here on Kelly Braman's blog.

While I don't fully understand why, I don't have to in order to know that God is still using these people and their stories for His purpose. With an outpouring of love, comfort that only He can bring, and underlying hope, it is clear that God continues to work when we least expect it. I wish I was able to lend more support, but at the least, I can pass their info on. God is mighty and can still work through it.

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On a personal note, this challenges me to be more aware of what I can do in the moment, how I can better use my time and talent, and how not to let this life pass me by without having any impact beyond my often selfish self!